It’s Broken

It hasn't been that long, but when you're going through it it feels like each day is a year. You know there's an end to it all, and you can almost see it, but you're stuck in the same place you were at yesterday.

I try to fool myself into thinking I'm doing just great. People call me up and say, "How are you doing?" in their oh-so-sympathetic tones. Everything is fantastic. Wonderful even. And I talk to them about what I'm up to: a new exciting job coming up, new friends, old friends coming to visit, pounds lost, money saved.

But then there are times when I'm alone, no one's calling for me to lie to, and that's when I miss him the most.

That's when I need him the most.

I spent some time with a friend over the weekend. We talked it all out. I felt stronger. She told me she wouldn't be ashamed of me if I decided to self-medicate with something illegal or fuck every guy I meet for the next couple of months. I had to smile at that.

Then my friend left and I was thrown back into it again.

I followed around the ones that still love me, and felt like a little helpless child.

"Please don't lose me. Just take care of me."

For those who would like to call me and tell me "he didn't deserve you anyway" or "you'll fall in love again", don't.


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