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Listen To Me Whine

It's hard being so wrapped up in another person. It's even harder to be wrapped up in another person while suffering from the occasional bouts of depression and anxiety. Maybe they are more frequent than occasional, but I just choose to recognize them occasionally.
I know this feeling in back of my body. The back of my head, the back of my throat, the back of my chest, and the back of my stomach.
It's that feeling that makes the tears well up, and then the rational side of me pushes those tears back in.
Okay. There is a very logical explanation for these feelings.
I had WAY to much fun this weekend. So much fun that I don't want to have that kind of fun anymore. And I am paying for all the fun I had right now.
Something happened over the weekend that shook me up. I can't really describe it here, since it's a very personal thing. But sitting in the aftermath of this instance, and thinking about how it came to happen the way it did, I'm left feeling really confused. I cleaned everything last night. I swept, I mopped, I did laundry, I tried to put everything back the way it was before. I thought if my surroundings would go back to normal, I would go back to normal too. But I didn't. Thoughts keep creeping into my head, and I try to push them out. I just want to forget about it, but I guess that will take some time.
School started yesterday. After five weeks of doing anything I wanted, which consisted of sleeping, hanging out at Starbucks, and shopping, I've been thrown back into this schedule. I know it's going to be hard, and I don't know if I'm ready for another round, and then another, and then another, and then another.
I've become comfortable in this situation I've been living in for several weeks. There is this certain person in my life, and he is one of the few people that I can stand to be around all the time. I know I'm being totally irrational, but sometimes thinking of driving back up there to live, and the feeling of not knowing, can be suffocating.
This is drama at its purest, right?
Well, this is how I feel right now.


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