Sidetracked



Give Me a Minute

Tomorrow is my birthday, and to be honest, I'm not excited.
I have three stories to write this evening, two of which are feature stories.
I got my Spanish exam back today, and I failed it with flying colors.
My car needs an oil change. Who has time for oil changes?
My license needs renewing. Who has time for license renewing?
I ruined a roll of film yesterday; a roll of film that I invested two hours in, one shooting it and one developing.
I was supposed to get a lot of work done last night, but after laying down to rest my eyes for five minutes, I woke two hours later and wasn't able to focus on anything creatively.
The line between work and school has blurred beyond the point of recognition. Every once and a while I don't think I'm going to make it through the semester without ruining everything or going insane, I feel the anxiety welling up, and then I have to sit down and breathe. I made Dave*g tell me everything would be okay, but he didn't understand why he was saying it.
Whenever things get this crazy, I think that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to get on some meds.
But then I think about all the people out there with as much, if not more, work to do than me, and I feel inadequate but determined to succeed without help from drugs.
A friend wanted to throw me a birthday party this week, and I had to turn the offer down, because I just don't have time.
Sometimes I think my brain is just not big enough to handle more than one thing at a time. It's really frustrating.
I have two and a half months to prove that I can handle all of this and I can handle it well.
And tomorrow is my birthday.

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