Sidetracked



My body doesn’t fit these dresses.

My sister is getting married next weekend, which means I have to look nice. You should know that I'm a T-shirt and jeans person. I occasionally fix myself up a little by putting on a skirt and T-shirt, but that's as far as it goes.
So, after trying on three friends' dresses and none of them fitting right, I begrudgingly went to the mall. I should mention here that I really don't like malls. There are too many people and too many things I want but can't have.

I must have tried on every dress in Dillard's. While I was in the dressing room I could hear teenaged girls fighting with their moms in the rooms next to mine.

"Just try it on."

"Mom! I hate this dress."

"It might look good on you."

"Mom!"

I wanted to pound on the wall separating our rooms and tell that girl to just try on the damn dress and stop being a brat already!

But instead I thought about the phone call I was going to have to make.

"Dad, do you have a minute?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

"I can't go to the wedding."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't find anything to wear, and even if I could I wouldn't be able to afford it. I can hardly afford to clothe myself for normal situations. So, I'm not going."
I also thought about sitting on floor and crying about how my hips are too big and my boobs are too small. And godammit, why do people in this family have to get married and have babies and all that other stuff that requires all of us to be a family because we're not a family and I'm trying so hard to pretend like we are.
Sorry. Obviously there's more to this than finding something to wear.
But anyway, I pulled myself together and decided it was going to work out because it had to.
And as I walked out of the store I saw a rack of stupid impulse buys: a s'more maker, a hot dog grill and an English muffin toaster. Seriously. Who buys this stuff?

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