Sidetracked



Doing what they do best

In my family, when we're finished discussing something uncomfortable, we talk about the weather. In retrospect that annoys me, but it's always comforting in the moment.
I was going to write about how my life has become so boring after losing my mind, but I was reminded on Friday that my life will never be boring. I was reminded that I can't pretend that everyone I love will get along just because I imagine they will.

I didn't want to walk during graduation because of my family, but it's because of my family that I have to walk. I would rather avoid the experience because the stress of having my family together, people that do not get along, just isn't worth it. But I know their anger and bitterness will haunt me for the rest of my life, so I feel like I should stand my ground for once just to prove that I can.

I've spent hours on the phone with my parents trying to reassure them that graduation will be okay, and everyone will be on their best behavior, and if anyone arrives with some sort of agenda that doesn't involve being supportive of me or feels that they won't be comfortable around other family members they shouldn't come at all.

I feel selfish and hurt.

Hotel reservations have been made, and everyone is anxiously awaiting what may or may not happen.

Thinking about how silly all of this really is makes it feel a little bit better.

I've already threatened to not walk, but then they'd be getting the best of me.

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