Sidetracked



Inhale, Exhale

I’ve been toying with the idea of quitting smoking for about a month. Today I got the idea that I would just be a weekend smoker for a while. I hadn’t had a cigarette since 3:15 on Monday, so it seemed doable. Everything was going according to plan until around 5 p.m. today when I found a pack of cigarettes in my coat pocket, a pack I didn’t know I had. I was already teetering on the edge of caving in and finding that pack was like finding a lifeline. So I smoked half of a cigarette.

Quitting isn’t something that I really want to do. It seems like a good idea, obviously, but I don’t like how I feel and act when I’m not smoking. I’m not addicted to the habit. I think it would be easier if the habit had more of a hold on me than the nicotine. It’s kind of annoying when commercials lecture me on “kicking the habit.” As if this is like biting my nails or twirling my hair.

I wish I had never started. I was old enough to know better and did it so I could hang out with my coworkers at the restaurant when they took breaks. I’d say it’s a stupid reason to start, but any reason is stupid. I come from a long line of smokers, and I don’t think any of them have quit and not gone back to it. I have no examples to follow with a similar mental makeup. I’m really good at making excuses for myself and my addiction.

Today I smoked half of a cigarette. For now, I’m an occasional smoker.

Advertisements

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

Comments

  1. * mike says:

    Think about it this way: when you smoke, you’re helping make some asshole rich.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  2. * Jen says:

    I understand … I’m a total closet smoker. I hate that I do it, but I don’t want to quit. But i do. You know.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  3. * ~A says:

    I think I’ve said enough about this at my own site and Mike’s comments. Good luck – and you can totally do it. Mike’s quit, I’ve quit. There are two that you used to smoke a lot with and can now look to as people who have quit and not gone back. Mike definitly kicked more than just the habit.

    Here’s a tip, think about it when your doing some serious kissing – or making out – and ask yourself, “Do I really want a bunch of smoke, tar, etc. involved in this moment?” – then, when you’re craving a cigarette, think about the smoke rolling over your tongue and think about the kissing moments to come, “Do I really want to prepare for that with this?”. See if that doesn’t help during the difficult moments. ;o)

    Seriously though, good luck.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  4. * mike says:

    Money. Odor. Health. Attitude.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  5. * ~A says:

    Was thinking about you last night. I calculated a pretty conservative total for my sister’s annual cigarette $pending at about $780 or $65 a month. Since I’ve been helping her out with about $200 a month (about $400 this month) I just figured out that I’m basically subidizing her smoking. …of course, it doesn’t bother me per se but I wondered if she was aware of it.

    Now, she’s going through custody battles and other major concerns right now so there’s no way I’m going to suggest she quit smoking Right Now – but it got me thinking about you again anyway and I just wanted to say Good Luck again. I met someone else over the weekend who is trying to quit. He made a deal with his smoking buddies that, whoever had a cig in …some period of time – a month or three – would lose his surf board for 6 months. He said that he was really a mess with withdrawl, etc. but that, so far, the threat of losing his board was really working for him. :o)

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  6. * mike says:

    Losing his beard didn’t seem to bother Dave that much. It hurt me though. Emotionally.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  7. * Rebekah says:

    I’ve been smoking about half a cigarette a day for the past week. I had a couple of drags of a friends cigarette last night and haven’t had any today. So, it’s going pretty well considering I smoked half a pack a day before. Also, I calculated that I’ve spent around $3,000 on cigarettes in the past six years.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  8. * ~A says:

    That’s a healthy amount of money. I watched a French movie last night though (Those Who Love Me Can Take The Train) and totally felt like I should be smoking.

    …it passed – the notion – quickly.

    I hear it’s really, really cold out there. That should help a bit, no? ;o) …man, I gotta stay focused today.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  9. * Rebekah says:

    Yeah, it’s snowing out right now!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  10. * Jen says:

    It’s frickin’ freezing here. I want to be home on the sofa in a parka.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago
  11. * mike says:

    It was 16 here this morning, which, w/o wind, is not as bad as you might think.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 9 months ago


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: