Sidetracked



It’s about barf. You’ve been warned.

When I said I didn’t have anything exciting to report, I think I jinxed myself. A couple of hours after I posted that my stomach, which had expanded to abnormal size, was cramping and nausea was taking over as my body succumb to gastroenteritis. I really have no idea what exactly was wrong with me, but gastroenteritis sounds way better than “a stomach bug.” What I had was really bad.

I spent the next two days on the couch, only leaving for trips to the bathroom and that maddening trip to work, which I’ll explain later. It was like the entire year I was bulimic rolled into 36 hours. And that just solidifies for me that what goes around really does come around. It my head, that makes sense.

Friday evening, I halfway panicked about finding someone to pick up my shift Saturday morning. At that point, I was balled up on the couch, facing the cushions, and mumbling to Dave to bring me my phone. I called everyone I could think of and no one would take my shift, even though I was dying. The next morning, I dragged my barfy, sweaty, ghost-white self into work, because as I was told by the shift supervisor that morning, policy states that “if you cannot find someone to pick up your shift you have to come in.” After 20 minutes I became lightheaded and ran to the bathroom. When I returned they gave me the best news I’ve ever heard. They told me to go home.

I’m finally feeling perfect again. I owe Dave big time for taking care of me. I don’t know what I would have done had I been alone through that. Who would have brought me chocolate milkshakes? And then, who would have brought me the barf bowl to throw up the milkshake in? True love is seeing someone barf countless times over the course of the relationship and still wanting to find something for them to barf into.

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Comments

  1. * lauren says:

    Mike has still not barfed in my presence. It’s been about 3 and 1/2 years. He’s got to be breaking some kind of record. There have been 2 instances where I thought he just might. But nothing. On the other hand, I can’t even count how many times I’ve puked in front of him.

    I’m glad you’re feeling better.

    | Reply Posted 10 years ago
  2. * ~v says:

    i will do whatever it takes NOT to throw up so alberto has been spared. i keep thinking he’ll have to throw up in front of me one of those times he gets really, really, drunk but nope, the most he ever does is to belligerently try and convince me to steal pizza with him. i am grateful for this and glad you have someone to be there for you when you barf.

    | Reply Posted 10 years ago
  3. * mike says:

    Dio you have it in writing that Dave has to take care of you while you’re sick?

    I haven’t puked since 2003. And I’m not afraid of jinxing myself.

    Jinx.

    | Reply Posted 10 years ago
  4. * Rebekah says:

    No, I don’t have it in writing. He’s just that awesome.

    | Reply Posted 10 years ago
  5. * ~A says:

    Oh, man, there is an image that I will forever carry in my mind the totally illustrates the awesomeness of Dave with regards to exactly what you’re talking about – same thing, same players.

    I must say, while reading your post I was quite impressed with your Super Trooper commitment to your obligation to work. However, the mention of David’s awesomeness regarding the “countless times” recounts that one time and for me and, well, it just about trumps it.

    I’m glad you’re feeling better. Now, stop eating so much; you’re making yourself sick.

    Oh, and it’s true: I don’t puke unless I want to… and it’s always with a air of superiority over the generally ill that I do so. 🙂
    Shit, which reminds me of time in which I acting pretty darn good for one of the players mentioned above. Twice. …of course, that same person had to put up with me and some radish slices years later so I’ll never be able to harp about them…
    *sigh. Friendship is pretty darn great.

    | Reply Posted 10 years ago
  6. * mike says:

    ~A, feel free to post that story at Scattershot. And don’t say “Why? So no one will read it?”

    | Reply Posted 10 years ago
  7. * Rebekah says:

    Mike, with all the fast food you eat, I can’t believe you’ve never had food poisoning or a stomach virus or anything like that.

    A, I’m canceling my plans to visit Portland in the near future, and I’m visiting you instead. How about that? 🙂

    | Reply Posted 10 years ago
  8. * David G says:

    Al, did I hold your puke urn and forget about it?

    | Reply Posted 10 years ago
  9. * Amy Bo Bamy says:

    “True love is seeing someone barf countless times over the course of the relationship and still wanting to find something for them to barf into.”

    A-men. 🙂

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 11 months ago


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