How to Gain Four Pounds in Four Days

  1. The Kuma Burger, topped with bacon, cheddar and fried egg, at Kuma’s Corner. Add a side of fries and wash it down with a beer.
  2. Greasy chips and a mound of guacamole, followed by greasier al pastor tacos at Taqueria El Asadero. Try to walk it off, knowing there’s another hearty meal around the corner.
  3. A breakfast of corn cakes with creamy red pepper sauce, a side of bacon, and a few bites of your friend’s cheese grits at Wishbone. Consider ordering a bloody mary, but decide that would be over the top.
  4. A heaping helping of pad woonsen at Spoon Thai. Convince yourself that glass noodles and veggies make it a healthy dish. Steal a few bites of your boyfriend’s Spicy Crazy Noodles.
  5. Inhale the Smoked Debreziner hot dog, loaded with bacon-garlic mayonnaise and harlech horseradish cheese, at Hot Doug’s. Might as well add a side of cheese fries. This is gluttony at its finest.
  6. Snack on a dish of cookies and cream ice cream with gravy boat full of hot fudge at Margie’s Candies.
  7. Feeling famished at the airport (how is it possible?!), see the golden arches shining like a beacon down the hall. Dine on chicken nuggets and french fries, while telling your boyfriend this is the last indulgent meal for a long time.
  8. Snack on birthday cake throughout the weekend, just because it’s there and it’s delicious.
  9. Order a basket of fries at 1 a.m. What goes better with a pitcher of PBR?
  10. Sit on the couch for hours at a time while watching the Food Network and scratching your itchy expanding belly.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks


  1. * thelou137 says:

    Um yeah, my stomach has been all like “what the fuck is this soup shit? What happened to all the french fries?”

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  2. * Rebekah says:

    My stomach was doing that too. That is, until we made the Nestle Crunch Frappacino at work yesterday.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  3. * thelou137 says:

    holy geesus that sounds delicious.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  4. * mike says:

    The seaweed salad and maki at Tank Sushi was completely out of character. Not nearly as apropos as the late-night wiener schnitzel at Resi’s Bierstube. Just wait until all this stuff—and more—is within a mile of your apartment.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  5. * Rebekah says:

    I don’t think proximity has anything to do with it. Right now we’ve got chips and queso, barbeque and chicken fried steaks aplenty, and will power usually wins. I was just on a mission to pig out all weekend.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  6. * ~A says:

    1. This doesn’t sound anything like the diet I prescribed.

    2. I just threw up

    2a. in my pants.

    3. You could have just said, “Hey! I went to Chicago and you didn’t! Nyah! Nyah!”

    4. Rinse. Repeat.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  7. * Rebekah says:

    1. I know, ~A. I know. The good news is, I was very good before the weekend of binge eating and lost four pounds.

    2. Gross.

    3. Wha?

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago
  8. * jen says:

    I love this post nearly as much as I love brownies.

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 8 months ago

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